FIGHT

Another guest blogger enjoy

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
My Dad died a year ago. Esophageal cancer. It was a choice he made. No, no, no… not to GET cancer – but to not treat it. The doctors all said it was contained and curable. He just didn’t want to fight it. At the time I couldn’t understand. Not that I do now… but a year’s worth of time does change a person’s opinions. I honestly don’t think he had any idea what he was in store for. Essentially he ‘committed suicide by cancer’. I wrote a blog about it via my friend The Cancer Warrior last October.

Boy, was I pissed when I wrote that. The day after writing it, I bought a one-way ticket to NH from TX to help my Mom help my Dad leaving my two kids at home. We took care of my Dad at home. He died while I was holding his hand. I’m glad I went. I'm glad that some of his last words were to me.

I have no regrets. He, however, did.

The week before he died, my Uncle, Dad’s little brother, came to see him, ‘one last time’.

My Uncle had just been diagnosed with melanoma in his lungs, lymph nodes and various patches on his skin.

His PET scan lit up like a friggin' Christmas tree of the worst kind.

He tried to talk to my Dad, but his cancer had eaten him alive, his voice was essentially gone. But he made sure my Uncle sat close and heard every word he said… He said,

‘Fight’

Dad regretted his decision to ‘let nature take its course’. I’m glad he did voice that regret. It made it easier on my family to know that he didn’t want to leave us.

We just discovered last week that my Uncle’s PET scan is now clean. He’s missing part of a lung, all of his lymph nodes and chunks of skin. But, what a small price to pay when you think of the alternative.

‘Fight’

Fight, my friends. You are stronger than you know.

As Emerson said, if ‘even one life has breathed easier because you have lived..’ you have had a successful life.

Thanks for the great advice once again, Dad, and please know you indeed lived a successful life and were loved.

About the author:  Amy Lord Gonzalez

bio:
Transplanted New Hampshire girl, currently residing in the country of Texas. Stay-at-home mom, rock star wife who makes a mean enchilada and still cheers for the Red Sox and Patriots from afar.
contact info: icknamy@yahoo.com

Suicide by Cancer

Another Guest Blogger.  Enjoy

Have you heard that phrase that the media uses?  ‘suicide by cop’?  It’s when someone is so mentally ill, so distraught, so DESPERATE that they provoke the police to the point where extreme force is necessary – generally resulting in death of the ‘suspect’.  Pretty messed up, huh?  It makes you wonder how things can possibly get that bad.  How can a person possibly put their soul into someone else’s hands?  I can’t fathom it and I’m so glad I can’t.

My dad is currently going through something that it makes sense to call ‘suicide by cancer’.  

He was diagnosed with Stage 3 esophageal cancer (no mets) in May of 2009. 

My family is originally from a small, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it town in New Hampshire (Mel is familiar with it…. We were classmates and friends from kindergarten on up through high school).  In 1993 I realized that there was a great big world out there and took off for the great unknown (a/k/a Texas) – I’ve been here ever since.  My brother is here with me… a block away…  My neighborhood is wonderful.  My kids are wonderful.  The schools are wonderful.  WINTERS are wonderful!   A cook-out on New Year’s Day?  Oh, HELL yeah! 

I finally convinced my parents to come down and spend the winter away from the frozen tundra of New Hampshire. 

They planned on staying three months.

They stayed almost a year.

Christmas Eve 2008 we were in the doctor’s office with my dad.  He couldn’t swallow.  ‘It’s his vertebrae protruding’, they said. 

‘Surgery it is!’  We said.

He still couldn’t swallow after surgery.

Insert feeding tube.

Watch the beginning of the end.

Houston has a HUGE HUGE HUGE Medical Center.  It has one of the best cancer centers in the world.  MD Anderson is where all of the big shots go to get treated. 

It’s here!  My parents were here!  What luck!!!

My dad’s doctor had studied under Dr. Michael DeBakey!  (Google him, he’s a big deal) – they told us 3 weeks of chemo and 2 of radiation and the tumor would be GONE!

Dad said, ‘no’

He said he was tired.

He said he was done.

He took my mom and left Texas and flew back to New Hampshire.

(Can you tell I’m a little bitter?)

I know, I know, I know… it’s HIS choice.  It’s HIS body.  It’s HIS life.

But it’s not just affecting him.

My mom LOVES to travel.  (My mom has (undiagnosed) ADHD and can’t sit still)  My mom is a social butterfly.  My mom knows everyone in town.  My mom loves to shop (she’s all about the bargains – getting a good deal is an adrenaline rush for her)

My mom deserves better than this. 

My mom is now a prisoner in her own home.

My dad has chosen his own destiny – but DAMN… he’s sucking her right down with him.

I’m 3000 miles away with two young kids, a husband with a job and volunteer activities up the yin-yang.  I’m no help. 

I call her five times a day (sometimes more).  I try and provide a diversion.  I try to listen.  I try to comprehend.  I try not to take it personally.

Most of her friends don’t visit her anymore. 

They can’t go up to see her because ……. (you fill in the blank)

It’ll bother her

It’ll bother him

They don’t have time

They don’t know what to say

They have other prior engagements

The dog barks

The moon is full

The tide is high

…………….Yada yada yada

All this being said…

           Don’t forget the caretakers – there’s morphine and fentanyl and lorazepam for diseases… but no painkillers for a broken heart.

About the author:  Amy Lord Gonzalez

bio:
Transplanted New Hampshire girl, currently residing in the country of Texas. Stay-at-home mom, rock star wife who makes a mean enchilada and still cheers for the Red Sox and Patriots from afar.
contact info: icknamy@yahoo.com

Defining moments

Tony Scott.

You may not know the name but you know the movies he has directed.

Top Gun

Beverly Hills Cop II

Crimson Tide

True Romance

The latter movie was one of my favorites.

Now you know who he is.

If you were a child of the eighties like me those films were probably your favorites.  Who didn't want to be Maverick?  Or Kelly McGillis for that matter.  Almost everyone I knew did.

Defining moments.

When I worked in Hollywood I realized that the shows I worked on made lasting impressions on people I have never met, I was a small piece of those lasting impressions.  Those defining moments can last a lifetime.

Tony Scott.

Jumped off of a bridge in San Pedro, CA yesterday afternoon.

He left behind a wife.

He left behind twin sons.

Eyewitnesses say he jumped without hesitation off the bridge and police found a note in his car and in his office.

Why?

All of Hollywood is asking that question.

Why would a man who seemingly had everything take his own life?

Early reports stated he had just found out he had inoperable brain cancer.

While it has been reported that it not the case there is still much speculation as to why someone with everything, someone who has built up an amazing reputation, has given so many people defining moments of their lives take his own life.

Mental Illness?

Could that have been it?

Depression?

It's entirely possible.  The more I read about Tony Scott the more I am finding out he was a lot like the characters in his movies, the larger then life daredevils everyone wanted to be.

That was his public persona.

One can never know the silent suffering of others, especially if they are looked up to, such as Tony Scott was.

Of course I am speculating, I never met him.  I was not in his head.

People who have never had any form of mental illness don't understand how you can't just "snap out of it"

It is like any disease.  You can't snap out of diabetes, heart disease or cancer.  It has to be treated, whether you seek professional help, medication or just talk to a friend.

Even worse, you may get so depressed that you feel like you are alone, and there is no one in the world who can help you.

How do I know this?

I have been there.

I have been so depressed that I thought I was fooling my  co-workers, family, and friends.

Truth is I was only fooling myself.

There were times I was so depressed that I felt I would never be able to dig myself out of that hole.

Depression is a disease but it can be treated.

And you can get help before its too late.


Tony Scott directed amazing movies that audiences will enjoy for years to come.

Unfortunately his defining moment may be that tragic leap he took off of the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, CA

Rest in Peace Tony Scott.  As long as there are people like me working hard to destigmatize mental illness your legacy will not be forgotten.

Sometimes the scariest places are within the depths of our own heart, mind and soul...

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone

Carpe Diem

(Photo from www.sowhateverhappenedto.com about Pam Dawber)

I found out about Robin Williams passing after waking up from a nap.  My fiancé told me he committed suicide (at time of the writing of this blog that is what the news is saying).  

Anyone who is my age or older remembers Robin Williams from Happy Days and Mork and Mindy.  Yes the younger generation knows him as Mrs. Doubtfire but I will always remember him fondly as Mork.

In the 70's and 80's the comedy boom was happening, and many of the sitcoms would hire comedians as guest stars on their shows.  

In 1983 or 1984 I went to California on a trip. My parents knew some people who worked in the TV and Film industry.  We were able to see a few shows on the Paramount Lot.  We had front row seats to see Laverne and Shirley and Mork and Mindy.  He was hilarious and quick, and yes I owned a pair of rainbow suspenders.

 I think this trip was what started my long love with Hollywood, and was one of the reasons I wanted to work in the industry. 

Depression.

It is silent, it is painful, and you feel like you are completely alone.  It can skew everything around you. You often feel like you cannot talk to anyone about how you feel.  It is difficult, and mental illness still carries a huge stigma.  

I have written and talked about my battle with depression often.  It is not easy to get out of the darkness and think that you can talk about it.  

You can, and you should.

There are others who have felt like you do.

With mental illness you are never alone.

There is always help.

There is always hope.

I will remember Robin Williams for the laughs he brought me, not for his tragic death.

I hope you will do the same.

If you think you are depressed or suicidal please get help.

Here are a few links:

Bring Change 2 Mind

National Alliance on Mental Health

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

I'll leave you with this quote from Robin Williams:

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.