Reflections

There are 5 days left of 2010.  I have to say it has been a long emotional year for me. Lots of good things have happened for me professionally.  This has been a great year pr wise for The Cancer Warrior.

I was one of a few featured survivors in a Chicago Tribune/LA Times article about cancer survivors (Thats me before Peggy Fleming and the president of Harvard with my photo above the fold, doesn't show it only though)

A Positive Ripple Effect magazine featured an article I had written.

I was featured on several radio shows, including The Stupid Cancer Show.  Matt Zachary who founded Stupid Cancer is not only a good friend but someone I admire.  I was blogging on my own blog and was also blogging on The Stupid Cancer Blog.  I am grateful to him for helping me get my start.

One of the most amazing things that has happened to me this year is being asked to speak at The Cancer Treatment Centers of America Empowerment Rally.  Out of all the cancer survivors I was picked with 4 other survivors from the US to talk about patient empowerment. I can remember the night before thinking that there will be a knock on the door and someone from CTCA would say uh sorry we made a mistake, here is a ticket for your flight home. 

I have met some amazing survivors in person and online.  I have an amazing group of people who have had all kinds of different cancers, all who share the same experience, and who all want the same thing, the end of cancer.  I know I can email, call, tweet, or facebook any of my friends at any time if I need guidance or help for myself or someone else. 

I have started new ventures in social media, helping others maintain their facebook pages.  Sounds easy, I know.  Someone asked me people actually pay you for that?  The answer is yes, they do.  Businesses and people get busy with their lives and need people to help them.  That is what I do.

One of the things I like to do is pay it forward, either to my friends by some simple gesture, but mostly to people I haven't met.  Its an easy thing to do, and it takes minimal effort.  Someone paid it forward to me this year.  They created my amazing new website  When my friend said he would do my website pro bono I never expected the extent of how much he has done.  I was blown away.  Honestly when I first saw it I almost started to cry.  I was just expecting nothing more than the go daddy parked site I had. 

Celebrated 3 years of survivorship.  Nothing is better than hearing all clear on blood tests, scans and physicals.  Nothing.

With all the amazing highs there were many lows as well.


September 15th. 

Just 3 days before I was to celebrate my 3 year cancerversary I lost a good friend to cancer.
 
Donald Wilhelm

He was such an inspiration to many, and I am grateful I got to meet him and call him my friend.  Even now as I am writing this the tears are flowing.  Knowing that just 4 months before he passed I posted an interview of him here.

And I saw him just 3 months before he passed away at the Pancake House with his wife Amy.  I am grateful I got to meet her and that Doug got to meet him. 

The photo below taken on Memorial Day weekend will always be one of my favorites.

Seemed like after Don passed away everything just sent me into a tailspin of depression.  Even with the pink ribbon program that I started at Pilates Midwest and the Pilates helping me to relax the cancer world that I was in was rocked one week with Don's memorial service, a friends recurrance and not one but two deaths because of cancer.

I have to say the last three months of this year have been some of the hardest I have ever dealt with.  Dealing with those passings, financial hardships, and just life in general got to me.

It was rough.

Almost as rough as when I was going through treatment. 

I can honestly say without prescription medications, family, and good friends being there for me I don't think I would have made it through these past 3 months as much as I did, and for you I am eternally grateful.

5 days until the ball drops and its 2011.

I have faith that 2011 will be better than 2010.
 
Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. ~ Voltaire


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com  Available on demand now and also available on Itunes

Tug of war

I have been thinking about blogging about this for a while now.

Many things have happened recently that have made me want to put fingers to the keyboard.  If you are a constant reader of this blog then you know a good friend of mine passed away from cancer recently.  It has been hard to say the least.  Add to that the mountain of debt that keeps getting larger, chemo brain, which frustrates the shit out of me, I don't knowing what I want to say but not having my brain fire synapses correctly, neuropathy, having to take x amount of pills at so and so times, etc, etc, etc.

Some days I feel like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill.

My mind is alway working constantly, either thinking about work, or advocacy, or how I can help someone out, hockey, whatever,  it doesn't shut off.  You could look at me and see me sitting calmly at work at the computer or talking on the air, my brain is constantly thinking, (yeah I know I just said I have chemo brain, comes and goes, like the mogwai in the movie Gremlins, don't get it wet, don't feed it after midnight, if only it was that easy to predict when it would kick in)

I battle constantly with this, all rolling around in my head like many tornadoes.  Its frustrating.  No wonder I don't know how to relax.

Yeah you read that right.  I don't know how to relax

I can sit still but I can't relax.  I can't really sleep either  I can't sleep unless I am medicated, I have a mouthguard in at night so I don't grind the shit out of my teeth. 

You know when people get a massage they get all relaxed and go to that happy place, maybe even fall asleep, I don't.   I used to, but I don't know what happened.  I have gotten some great massages here, and they have worked out knots and tension in my muscles.  But I can't relax during the massage.  I don't know why.

I did the reeling and healing midwest program for cancer survivors, a 2 day fly fishing retreat close to where I live.  I know you are thinking what the hell does fly fishing have to do with cancer.  Well let me tell you.  It does help you relax, standing in the water there, with your guide, and nature.  I figured out how to relax.

Unfortunately I can't take the stream and all of nature with me all the time.  Yes the program is totally awesome, and I would recommend it in a heartbeat,and it helped me, but not being able to relax is something I am trying to overcome.

I found a brochure for a pilates program that a local studio was putting on.  It was for breast cancer survivors, designed by a survivor.  It was free, I called, they had to wait for enough participants before they could start the class.

So a few weeks later there I was in class with 3 other survivors, all at various stages of survivorship,all of us were well past surgery.  

We were all there not knowing what to expect.

It was an eight week mat class, doing various exercises to strengthen the core and the muscles around where women would have had mastectomies, lumpectomies and lymph node removal.

Now I wouldn't have thought that something that may look like to the average person, a bunch of simple stretches would have any kind of impact on me, except for maybe getting a little toned.


But it did. 

I have written before about my constant struggle with depression, yes I am on meds, but sometimes the mind can over come the meds, a tug of war in my head, dealing with the many mini tornadoes in my head and just survivorship of everyday. 

I do maintain a positive mental attitude

But some days are harder than others.


Doing the pink ribbon pilates program with the other survivors helped me to find my comfort zone within my self.  Lets face it having cancer  and survivorship takes you completely way out of your comfort zone.


But with pilates it has forced me back in.


And helped me to relax...


A little more than before.


That is something I still need to work on, but I am slowly chipping away at that stone.


I found this quote and I will leave you with it:

Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.
Ezra Taft Benson


 Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-Noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on itunes.
 

Out of your comfort zone

Everything about cancer takes you out of your comfort zone.

When I heard those words "It's cancer"  my life changed forever, for good and for bad.

Bad, well, because cancer sucks, and the treatment and side effects are worse than the disease.

Good because of the friends I have made, the better person I have become, the voice it has given me.

Work recently did a team building day retreat at a local camp.  It had a rock climbing wall and other things that you could climb.  Not something that I would normally do.

I tried the rock wall.  Didn't get very high.  Disappointed in myself that I couldn't climb to the top.  Rock climbing really isn't my thing.

Then I tried climbing up a rope ladder to a beam 30 feet in the air.  Looked easy from the ground.  Halfway up I thought "What the hell was I thinking??"

I made it up to the top, and actually walked across the beam to the other side.  Then yeah you just jump off.  You are well harnessed in.  Bad pr if you get injured on a team building retreat and work at the local radio station.

As I watched my co workers climb, cheer each other on I was reminded of my battle with cancer.  How it takes you completely out of your comfort zone. Into a whole new world that you are not prepared for mentally or physically.  That most of us face challenges we would otherwise would never be subjected to, and how afterwards we do whatever we can to stay strong, whether it be run in marathons, do triathalons, bike races etc.

I walked in a Making Strides walk 11 days after my lumpectomy surgery.


We strive to stay strong, because we know what it is like to feel so weak.

Some of my friends have called me a machine, because I barely stop to take a break.  I do my radio job, then I usually exercise, I do grab a nap when I can, then I am on the computer working on pr/marketing for The Cancer Warrior or my other facebook clients, or surfing the net, talking to other survivors, reading blogs and posting.  Fighting the fight.

They say there is no rest for the weary, I don't completely agree with that. I am determined to stay strong, so that those who are weary, those survivors who I advocate for, can rest.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

The Long and Winding Road

Those of you who are frequent readers of this post know I like to exercise.  Makes me feel good, it slowly gets me back to where I was before all of this. Before cancer, before side effects, before I knew so many medical terms one of my doctors asked me if I was in the medical industry, unfortunately, no I am just a student of my disease.
So I have decided to try to take up running again.  I haven't run since high school when I ran cross country. I lettered in that. Still have the varsity jacket, and it still fits.

Running will definitely take me out of my comfort zone. I haven't run since high school because of my knees, and well, quite honestly running never really appealled to me, probably because of the growing pains I had with my knees.  I only ran the one year for cross country, and after I lettered I guess I wasn't that interested in it. 

In high school I wasn't much of an athlete.  Didn't participate in team sports after  cross country in 9th grade I believe.  I even recall that many of my classmates were on diets, drinking diet coke and worrying about their weight.  I never did that.   Wasn't my thing.

Back to me deciding to run.  I have my reservations wondering if I will enjoy it.  I know it will be hard at first.  Different than what I am used to doing.  In the summer I love to ride my bike on the local bike path.  Nothing like you and your bike and you and the serenity of nature.
 
I have a friend who is going to go running with me.  Train me I guess. She is one of the pilates instructors from pilates midwest, the pilates studio where I did the pink ribbon program and where I currently take pilates classes.  I don't even know if that is the right terminology.  All I know is I enjoy going there and she enjoys kicking my butt.
 
So we did a 5k walk this past Saturday, my friend the pilates instructor, Jan and I walked,while the other pilates instructor ran. It was cold, about 20 degrees outside.  It was good to get outside in the fresh air. 
 
But of course we know, as cancer survivors, nothing is ever easy.
 
I have osteopenia.  I need to do weight bearing exercises to keep the osteoporosis away.  So I thought the walk would be a good addition to the pilates and hockey that I do currently.
 
The next day I noticed my neuropathy flaring up. 
 
So let me get this straight.
 
I am trying to get back into shape with the help of one of my friends, and the walk causes a side effect?
 
The neuropathy doesn't really hurt.  My foot is numb.  Its more of an annoyance, but I would rather it not get back to the point of shooting pain going all the way up my leg to my knee.
 
I am hoping that running will cause a break through and it will go away permanently, and not have it return doing something that I want to do.
 
 
Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Relaxed....

 

 

 

Its been a while since I have written.  Not really sure why that is.  I have written a couple of guest blog posts for some friends of mine, maybe that is why, I am not one of those writers who can just write at the drop of a hat, I have to be inspired. Certain things have happened these past two weeks to inspire me. 

I went to a chiropractor on the advice or my pilates instructors (yes I have two of them, and their styles are both very different and both very good)  I have had pain in my shoulder for quite some time, and it would always get worse at night, nothing like trying to get to sleep in pain.  

Now I have been skeptical of chiropractors because of what my fiance Doug had gone through in California.  Long story short Doug was scheduled for surgery for his shoulder and the chiropractor, who had no permission to practice in the hospital where Doug was, wanted to give him an adjustment the day of his surgery!!  Needless to say the chiropractor didn't, and he was kicked out of the hospital room. 

So yes I was skeptical, but my friends said he would help.  So I went.  I had the xrays taken.  There I saw my crooked spine and my straight neck, 

I have scoliosis, that I knew, and apparently the curvature in your neck is supposed to be at 40%.

Mine is at 10%.  

No wonder my back and neck hurt, oh and I had a rib out of place.  Don't ask me how the hell that happened, but it was out of place.  Another reason for the pain.  The chiropractor told me that he was different than the last chiro I saw (he was in the same town, didn't really remember much of what he did, chemobrain, and didn't have problems with him, just got down to being a financial issue to go to him)

So the chiro did the adjustments.  I wasn't expecting to hear the snap crackle pop of my spine and neck. 

It was amazing.

For the first time, in I can't remember when, I had no pain.  I had an amazing massage the week before, I was actually able to relax during the massage. 

I told Lynn, my friend, the massage therapist, "Congratulations, you have done something that no one else has done in three years." 

I was able to relax. 

The chiropractor said I would probably sleep better than I have in a while.  I went home and took a nap.  My hours changed at work so I have to be at work at 5:30am, so whenever I can grab a nap I will. 

The only word I can describe how I felt was euphoric.  I felt so good it was almost hard to fall asleep. 

Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. ~ Thomas Dekker

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Happy New Year

Recorded this video on New Years Eve. Why I do what I do.