In Retrospect

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

Never really sure what that song meant... Should we forget about the past and not think about it? Or never forget it. Not really sure.

2012 has been an interesting year for me.  

One of great happiness, as well as great sadness.

I celebrated my 5 year anniversary of being cancer free.

And I also lost some good friends along the way.

People like me, who have faced their own mortality, realize how precious life is.

How important it is not to waste even a second of it.

If you are full of hate you miss out on joy

If you are angry you won't be happy.

If you worry  you won't have hope.

You never know when the last time you will see someone will be.

One of my friends passed away this year suddenly from a stroke.

She was one of the greatest people I have ever known.

I still remember the last time I saw her, it was like any other day.

I watched her walk away with her coffee as I was continuing my job,

I had no idea it would be the last time I saw her.

Tell those important to you that you love them.

Know that everyone who comes into your life is there for a reason.

Enjoy every day.  

Drink in the sheer awesomeness that is life, and this earth.

Life is precious.

Enjoy every second of it.

There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year.

 Don't waste any of them.

I'll leave you and 2012 with this quote from John Hughes, from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand, on Itunes and on the Podcasts app on your iphone

You Like Me, You Really Like Me!!!

Just got an email today from Amy from licensedpracticalnurse.com saying they liked my blog and is featuring it on their website as one of their top breast cancer blogs.

I am honored and humbled by The Cancer Warrior's inclusion in this list.

I hope this means that I am making a difference in cancer survivor's lives.


Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes

A Positive Ripple Effect

A while ago I was asked to write an article for a magazine.  I can't even recall how long ago that was, I blame chemo brain for that.  Some things I just can't retain.  I try to get used to it but it is still frustrating as hell...

Its not like I submit things all the time.  I don't.  Most of the time I just write on my blog or submit to a few things here or there.  So when I got the email from Brent from Empoweradio.com.  I was like "oh yeah, sweet!!"

Imagine my surprise when I opened up the email link for the magazine and I saw my name on the cover. 

Wow. 

I am grateful to Kim and Cheryl the creators of the magazine to be included in the premiere issue.

I am honored and humbled to be on the cover.

I am glad there is a magazine that is spreading positive messages out there.


Check out A Positive Ripple Effect.  My article is on page 34. Please check out the entire magazine, and share it with your friends.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon eastern on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes.

5 Ways Cancer Survivors Can Boost Their Health

Another Guest Blogger, Enjoy

It’s literally a trip to the fringes of hell and back, one that leaves you both physically and mentally drained. Surviving cancer is the equivalent of beating the devil by the skin of your teeth, and if you want to avoid the burning question of how much longer you can hold on and continue to be cancer-free, you need to take the bull by its horns and start boosting your health in small and large ways. It’s your second lease of life, so don’t let the chemo treatments or anything else get you down. Instead, look forward to each new day, take it as it comes, live for the day, and do all you can to live healthily by:


• Eating healthy food: Health professionals recommend that cancer survivors follow a healthy diet that includes lots of fresh fruits and vegetables in order to improve their health-related quality of life score, the test that determines how your health affects the quality of your life. The higher the score, the more quality there is in your life and vice versa. So make it a point to eat more fruits and vegetables and limit all that is unhealthy in the food category. That’s not to say that you need to become a vegetarian or eat only what’s healthy; rather, balance your meals and ensure that you’re getting the best nutrition possible.

• Exercising regularly: As a cancer survivor, you’re probably drained of all your physical and mental energy what with the stress and pain associated with the notion of cancer and the chemotherapy sessions. Exercise is perhaps the last thing on your mind right now, but there are advantages to working out that promise to boost the quality of your life and make you feel better physically and mentally. Start out with leisurely walks after consulting your doctor and then move on to something more active that invigorates and energizes you. Research has proved that hatha yoga helps boost energy levels of cancer survivors and also helps them sleep better without the aid of sleeping pills.

• Giving up addictions: The urge to throw caution to the winds and live life king-size is strong after you’ve survived a deadly disease like cancer, so you may probably go all out and smoke and/or drink like you never have before. But do remember that you’ve gone through a lot and put up with much pain and angst in order to survive. After driving away the disease, don’t welcome it back with open arms by smoking and drinking without a care in the world.

• Socializing with friends and family: The best medicine in the world is love and laughter, and these cannot be purchased at any drugstore in the world. When you’ve been given a second chance, boost your mental and physical health by surrounding yourself with loved ones and spending more time in their company. Relationships matter more than money or work, so get your priorities right and feel better about yourself.

• Staying positive: And finally, it’s important to look ahead and not behind at the road you’ve taken to come this far if you want to stay mentally healthy after beating cancer. Yes, it’s been a struggle, but by focusing on all the good things that lie ahead, it’s easy to move on and forge a good life for you, one that does not include the dreaded word cancer at all.

About the guest blogger:

 Susan White regularly writes on the subject of radiology technician schools schools. She invites your questions, comments at her email address: susan.white33@gmail.com.

Done

I wish that is what they would stamp on my cancer chart. DONE. As if you could just stamp something and have it be so like "top secret"  like on NCIS or "case closed," like the CIA does. Sadly that is not the case. I don't think you can ever be done with cancer. Even in remission or not having it for many years, there is always that scanxiety, with every blood test, or scan, or even phone call.

September 18th will be my 3 year cancerversary.  Still can't believe it has been 3 years.

Certain things I remember like they were yesterday.  Other stuff is just a giant chemoblur.  I remember when I was told, obviously, when the surgeon told me my options, when the oncologist said ok we can start chemo next week, I thought, what, already holy shit, give me more than 7 days after I get my port in to process this craziness.

My friends told me that it would be over before I knew it.  I didn't believe them at the time.

This is going to take forever I thought HOW MANY MONTHS WILL I HAVE THIS GODDAMN PORT IN?  How long will I be going through chemo and herceptin, and I have to reschedule my life around an afternoon radiation appointment?  Really?

My friend was right.  Although it didn't seem like it it did go by fast.  Now I watch other people go through similar situations that I did, chemo, surgery radiation, and I see the anger and frustrations in their posts.  I know how they feel, I felt that way too. 

Its hard to explain to my friends that soon this will be a distant memory, that this wont last forever, but when you are in the moment, surrounded by cancer, time stands still.

I will continue to advocate, continue to speak about patient empowerment, continue to share my story, continue to blog.

Until there is a cure.

Only then will I be Done.

Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday-Friday 10am-noon on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on Itunes

Milestone

Five
Cinco
Cinq
Fem
пять.

Five.;  In any language it is just a unit of measurement.  Days, weeks, seconds, moments.

Five.

For cancer survivors its the magic number.  5 years= remission.

I just had my last oncology visit before my 5 years of being cancer free, which I will celebrate at Red Wings training camp (if there is no lockout)

It is a milestone.

It has been a while since I have written anything.  Over a month.  Not that I haven't had anything to say, just have been busy.

Living life.

Milestones

Hockey

LA Kings

Home ice.

You never forget home ice, the first place you skated, the first game you saw.

I learned to skate late in life, at Pickwick Ice in Burbank, CA, my California home ice..

Staples Center

where I saw my first hockey game. It was awesome

Now if you read my blog you know I am a big fan, and a lot of good things have come surrounding sports, particularly hockey.

The LA Kings, when I first started to get into hockey were in a constant rebuilding year ( starting in 1997)

I still stood behind them though, even though they were awful, when I couldn't get anyone to go with me, because they were so bad or no one was as big of a hockey fan as me.

Even when I moved to Michigan, LA was still "my team"  Yes, I do love the Red Wings, their 2007-2008 stanley cup winning season helped me immensely spiritually and emotionally,  but you never forget your first love.

Milestones

The Kings were a long shot to win the Stanley cup this year.  Came in 8th place out of 8 teams in the western conference.

No one would have thought they could win.

Not even me.

But they did.

First time an 8th seed beat the top 3 teams in the division, and beat the eastern conference champions the NJ Devils.

Watching the Captain Dustin Brown hoist the Stanley Cup at Staples was a surreal moment.

Some days I still can't believe the improbable run.

Some days I can't believe all the things I went through with this damn disease.

But here I am.

On my 5th year of being cancer free

The Kings win the cup.

That is a pretty awesome milestone.


Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com
Also available on Itunes and on the podcasts app on your iphone

Cancer Treatment Centers of America Empowerment Rally

Watch live streaming video from cancercenter at livestream.com

They are just words, right?

I am online alot.  Some would say I am a social media junkie.  It is the wave of the future.  During these times online I read blogs, articles, facebook posts, tweets about cancer.  I am an advocate and I try to keep up on the latest news and goings on to keep readers of my blog and my facebook pages informed.  Something I started doing a while ago.  Anytime I found an interesting article or news piece I would post it, figuring it may be of interest to someone, especially since most people don't pour over medical info like I do.

I read other survivors blogs, not just breast cancer survivors, but other cancer survivors too.  Different cancer, same battle as I like to think.  We are all in the same fight.

Words.  They help, they heal.  They convey feelings.   In a prior post I blogged about my feelings of "cured" vs "cancer free."

Another word that just drives me crazy when it comes to people describing their battle is suffer (for the Vic McCarty show we actually had an author who had that in the title of his book!)

I believe in a positive mindset.  The way you look at something can change your outlook, your perception of how it is going.  When I began to talk about cancer on the radio and people asked me if I suffer from cancer I would angrily say no (I am not a cancer victim either, but that is an older blog that I wrote some time ago)  I am a fighter, I am a survivor, I am not a sufferer.  Yes cancer has attacked my body, attacked my mind, depression is something I never thought I would have and yes it has even attacked my spirit.  But through all of that I can honestly say I didn't suffer.  I prevailed.  I triumphed.  Its all in the way you look at things.  Some days I would get so tired I could barely make it through a 3 hour workday.  Some days I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, was disgusted at the lack of hair I had from the chemo making it fall out.  The radiation machine freaked me out so much I had to crank up music on the ipod so I wouldn't hear the noise of the machine or the sound of my breathing, thinking am I breathing too hard that this will radiate my lungs (one of the side effects they tell you you may have.)
Through all of that I still don't say I suffered.

I believe in positive thinking.

I fought.

I battled.

I didn't suffer

I am  a  Warrior. 



Mel is the producer/co-host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com also available as a  podcast.

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Also available on itunes.

How Cancer Survivors Can Stay Positive

                                Another guest blogger.  Enjoy.

It’s a dreaded disease whose very name is enough to paralyze people with fear simply because survival rates are very low. So if you’re a cancer survivor, you know you’re among the select few who have beaten this horrific disease that literally eats away at your body. Death comes quickly to some who are afflicted with cancer; to others, it comes after a long and painful struggle to survive. But to those who actually become cancer-free after coping with the rigors of chemotherapy and other forms of treatment, the news comes as more of a relief than something to be elated about. This is more because cancer is notorious for returning with a vengeance, even years after you’ve been cleared of the disease.


I’ve seen both sides of the coin – I lost an uncle to colorectal cancer nine months after it was diagnosed, and I saw my grandmother beat breast cancer and live for another 20 years before she died of natural causes. So I know how fickle cancer can be – it steals life in one breath and also allows you to beat death if you’re lucky enough.

The key to surviving cancer is luck – you need to be lucky enough to detect and diagnose it in the early stages, you need luck with finding the right and most aggressive form of treatment, and most of all, you must get lucky in being able to rid your body of every last cancerous cell. Once you achieve all this, you can start to look to a positive future, one that is untainted by cancer.

The problem with cancer is that it can come back with a vengeance, so you need to do your best to stay positive in the years following your successful treatment of the disease, and the best way to do this is to:

• Focus on all that is positive with your life: You may or may not suffer a relapse, but it’s not wise to spend your life worrying about one. Focus on the fact that you’re healthy now and that you have been given the gift of life a second time. Look forward to living life fully and doing all that you want to do. And be grateful for all that you have rather than regretting the time you’ve lost to battling the disease.

• Join a support group: You may still be overwhelmed by the intensity of your experience, and if family members and friends do not seem to understand your emotional turbulence, find a support group of survivors like yourself who are more in tune with your condition. When you’re able to give vent to your feelings and listen to the stories of other survivors, you feel positive and uplifted.

• Follow up on your medical checks: You may be cancer-free, but it’s best to continue to monitor your condition and ensure that the disease does not return. The earlier you spot any signs of cancer, the sooner it is to get rid of it. Also, you feel more confident when you get yourself checked and find that you’re still free of the disease.


About the guest blogger:
This guest post is contributed by Kathy Wilson, who writes on the topic of      X-Ray Technician Schools .     She welcomes your comments at her email id:    kathywilson1983@gmail.com

Fractured

I have an oncology appointment next week.   I think it has been at least six months since my last one.  I am wondering if I should be more nervous than I am.  Haven't really had any scanxiety for the last few visits, but I have as I have written about before dealing with depression. 

I was wondering when my slow spiraling descent downward  started.  Blogging is a good way for me to remind myself of what has happened to me before, during and after treatment.

I think it started 7 months ago, I wrote a blog called Outbreak, about how I was dealing with 4 instances of cancer with deaths, recurrances and a good friends memorial service. I am really surprised that I didn't see it coming.  I knew I was upset at that point, but to get to where I got a few weeks ago was very slow.  Add the fact that more people passed from cancer that I had met in person or online (Mandi Schwartz, Sara Feather) its not surprising I was an emotional trainwreck.

I tend to ignore the signs, because I think I can handle it.  We all think that don't we? Doesn't matter what life throws at you, the saying goes if God brings you to it He will bring you through it, or something like that.  Apparently in my case not without prescription medication.

I believe that the hockey season kept me from going into a quicker downward descent.  Extreme physical exercise and being back on the ice after so long felt so good.  But it didn't and couldn't help everything that was going on in my head.  

Great, my body tries to kill me, I survive that, then my mind turns on me too.  I really don't want to ask what could possibly be next, because cancer was scary, not being in control of my thoughts and moods was even scarier.  

I feel bad for some people that I hurt.  I have apologized, they accepted.  But still.  To not be yourself for so long and to not see it, and have the changes be so minute that others don't notice it as well?

I got mad at a friend of mine for a stupid reason. It wasn't just mad.  There were some days that I couldn't stand being in the same room.  I believe because I was in that place and I was mad at her I unwittingly channeled my negative energy and anger towards her.  Unfortunately for her she was an easy target.  

I didn't realize this until after The Carcinista passed away.  I was consumed by anger and depression and I didn't see it for months. Or I ignored it, thinking it was nothing and it would go away.

After recording The Carcinista's interview I texted my friend:  I am thinking we should get together next week and talk in person and hash out this issue we have...  I was coming off of a cold and I didn't want to spread germs to anyone else.  She agreed, she had the same idea in mind.

May 3rd was when we agreed to meet.  Looking back at that day and that talk I had with her I was then end of my emotional rope, with no knot to tie on the end.  I really don't recall what was said in the conversation (part depression, part chemobrain)  wasn't sure I still wanted to be friends and left.

Then I found out that Sarah had passed.  

Its amazing what it takes to make you realize whats important. For so long you can obsess about the stupidest shit possible and be pissed and then something like that smacks reality back into your life.  Again I texted (my preferred mode of conversation these days) my friend.  Told her that life is too short for this BS.  Told her about the carcinista, well not everything, just that a friend had passed, and that I needed time.

Eventually we sorted everything out.  I can't say if things will be back to where they were.   Only time will tell.  But I do realize now that I have to be more mindful of myself and get pissed or sad at a non response to a text or an unreturned email. (yeah that was some of the stuff that bugged me, SERIOUSLY!!)  Getting upset at an unreturned text?  Still wonder why I didn't see this coming.  Must have been the lack of neuro-epi seritonin or whatever chemicals in my brain are over or under used.  

It took a while but I figured it out.  Only took about 7 months.  Never thought I was that slow of a learner.

Jean Paul Sartre said  Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

The Carcinista figured it out.  I am envisioning her smiling down upon me.  

Happy that I finally figured it out too.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com
Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Another Guest Blog.  Enjoy

So today has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster...for the first time in a long time! I decided last night that I was going to move my blog over to blogger.com. In the process I decided that I was going to read all of my previous posts, and kind of look at how I had changed from the beginning of treatment to the end.



So with that said I realized one thing...that I always acted like there was nothing really wrong, like nothing could get me down, and that cancer was not a big deal.


Chemotherapy kicked my ass, I want to get that out there right now. I acted like it was no big deal, and that is the actual attitude I had because if I let it get to me then I would have never made it through it all as well as I did. While reading my blog I took a step back and tried to pretend that I was just some other person reading my blog. It was a strange experience because there were some things that I read where I thought that I should be more open about what I was really feeling, and then there were others where I read it and thought to myself that I should have not said what I said. Though I guess I would not be who I am if I hadn't just typed what I was thinking like I did.


I have to say for any person that is going through chemo or radiation, or treatment for any illness or disease...write a blog, it has proven to be very therapeutic in my case. Now that I am reading through it I mean I am realizing that there are a lot of underlying tones and themes to some of the things I said that I never notice before. Which I won't go into, I will let you read them for yourself!


Anyway, back to how it made me feel today. It made me really feel like a survivor! The complications I had, the way I felt during treatment, and the people I met and the things that I went through with them all. I have never felt more like a survivor in my life. I mean going through all of the cancer treatments I also had my other previous issues like having heart disease, a pacemaker, and having cancer before. Cancer really took the front position though, I mean it was during all of this that I decided I wanted to start an organization to raise awareness about cancer, and during this was when I realized that I wanted to write a book on my life starting with my cancer and the retouching on all my other life experiences.



As much as I hate to say this, I hate to admit that cancer has changed me for the better. I would love to say that I changed myself for the better, but it was really a damn disease that changed me as a person. Though I guess that tough situations end up being the things that changed people for the better or worse, and luckily mine changed me for the better.


It also changed the way I wear my hair haha! Before I was all for growing my hair out, but now that I have gone through the process of losing my hair and my beard, I decided that I should keep shaving my head (though I haven't cut it in 2 or 3 weeks now). Soon I will start shaving my head again, but my beard shall stay. Always appreciate your hair whether you have a lot or a little, because once you lose it you will never be the same!


This is all for now my friends!


Until next time,



-The Tech
 
About the author:
Hey readers, my name is Andrew Gemmell, and I am a 24 year old heart disease, stroke, and two time cancer survivor! I have been in and out of the hospital my whole life for mostly cardiac surgeries and procedures like pacemaker implants! Though more recently I have been having my latest life battles with cancer. On March 26th 2008 I was diagnosed the first time with a Stage 1 Testicular Seminoma and simply had to have surgery to remove the mass. No other treatment was needed at the time, but on October 16th, 2009 I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. This time the doctors found a Stage 3 Seminoma on my Para-Aortic Lymph Node in my abdomen. So the doctors put me through chemo and of course I barreled through it and came out healthy and with a much better attitude than I have ever had. Now that it is all over I am starting an organization and campaign called "Protect Your Pair" in which I want to raise awareness and offer support to cancer survivors and their families! Like I said, my attitude now is much better than ever before, and I am ready to fight with everyone that has been affected by cancer to try and make things better!
 
To contact Andrew: drew@protectyourpair.org

A Hero Named Holden

Another guest blogger, Enjoy

The word “cancer” sends chills of fear down the spines of just about anyone – but it might be most terrifying for a parent who hears the diagnosis for his or her child.

That was the case for the Harless family. An MRI at the Riley Hospital for Children at IU Health revealed their worst fears: the source of the back pain that their two-year-old son, Holden, had been complaining of was a spine tumor, not constipation as one doctor wrongfully diagnosed it.

But today, Holden runs around the family farm with the energetic abandon of a healthy eight-year-old.  He’s a heroic survivor and an example of the many triumphs being celebrated at the Riley Hospital for Children Cancer Center, the only such facility in Indiana and a recognized national leader in clinical care and research in cancers that affect children.

According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), fewer than two American children out of every 10,000 under age 15 develop cancer. While relatively rare for children, cancer is still the second leading cause of death for Americans 1 to 14 years of age, after accidents. The American Cancer Society reports that in 2007, about 10,400 American children under age 15 were diagnosed with cancer and that about 1,545 children die from the disease each year.

Cancers of the central nervous system (CNS)—the brain, brain stem and spinal cord—are the second most frequent malignancy affecting children, and are more common in those under 7, like Holden. And the prognosis for children diagnosed with CNS cancer is less favorable than for other forms of childhood cancer, such as acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

Understandably, “terrifying” is the word Holden’s mother uses to describe the moment she heard his diagnosis. Even more frightening was the choice she faced: allow Holden to undergo surgery, or expect that in six months, without surgery, her son could be paralyzed and never walk again.

That the Harless family encountered such a grim prospect is unbelievable. That is, it’s unbelievable when you see Holden today, brimming with energy and the picture of health. That’s because the Harless family chose surgery, after discussing the options at Riley with pediatric neurosurgeon Jodi Smith, M.D.


Survival rates of children with cancer are on the upswing, according to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Childhood leukemia death rates fell by 3% a year, from 1990 to 2004, the study found, compared to 1% a year for childhood brain and other nervous system cancers. The CDC says improved treatment of childhood cancers is the likely reason for this.

All Mrs. Harless knows, and is thankful for, is that after Holden's surgery, “Dr. Jodi said Holden had done great and that it went better than she could have hoped for. All the doctors were great there. The physical therapists, the neurosurgeons, everyone was phenomenal. I can't thank Riley enough for what they did for Holden. They gave us our family and basically his life."

About the Author:  Jon Dawson is an attorney and professional writer in Indianapolis. He has first-hand experience with pediatric cancer as he lost his sister to the disease. Jon writes on behalf of IUHealth and also contributes to several blogs including www.DoseOfMyOwn.com.

Check how a town comes together for this Mom and survivor on Dateline.

Thanks to Rob of 360i for sending me the link

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The season

I play hockey.  That is not new to any readers of this blog. I played on a coed league this year.  Haven't played coed hockey since I lived in California, because of the expense, and I really wanted to try to get the women's hockey program of off the ground, but cancer had other plans.

So I really returned to the ice this year, in an organized hockey program.  Last time I hit the ice before this was 3 years ago

3 years.  

I found out about my cancer right before the season started in 2007.   I remember telling my teammates, that I had cancer.  That was hard.  It was shocking, both to them and to me. At that point I didn't know what my course of treatment was going to be. 

When I finally saw the surgeon and he told me I had to have a port put in I said, what I can't play hockey for two years?  I actually thought that!!  Isn't that crazy?  I know I have written about this moment many times, but that tells you what an important role hockey has played in my life.  

So I really didn't know what to expect when I was told about this coed league.  Like I said before I had played in California.  There were a few women here and there, I had 2 female teammates on my first team I played on.  Some teams had no women on them.  Some didn't like women playing hockey.  There wasn't a sense of camaraderie within the league, only on our team.

The league manager does a draft.  He tries to put different levels of abilities of players together.  Its a C league, which means we have beginners and intermediates mostly, and some people who play very well interspersed within the teams.  There are 4 teams in this league.  I played on Hartman Law.

Now let me tell you this, in California, we had to buy our jerseys home and away, which was fine.  There is nothing like getting your first jersey with your name on the back.  Its an awesome feeling.  This being a small town that I live in now that is not the case.  They have sponsors for the teams.  So they have jerseys already made for the team, kind of a bummer, but that's ok.  I looked in the bin full of jerseys, found one that wasn't too big, it was #6.

 I remember when I stepped onto the ice for the first game I felt shaky, it had after all been 3 years since I played, but it felt good.  

On the ice everything makes sense, you can take all your aggressions, frustrations, anger, happiness every emotion you have and use it to play.  Its a physical sport, and it can change in an instant with the bounce of the puck, a deflection or a pass. Its also a team sport. You can't win the game alone, you rely on your teammates.

We only played 9 games in the regular season, but I was grateful for every second on the ice.  We won 4 games lost one and tied 4.  

We were in first place.

I didn't score a point in the regular season, and I wanted to so bad.  I had scored goals before when I played in California, and in the first game I played when I moved to Michigan, but I really wanted to score a goal or get an assist.  

I didn't during the regular season.

We had a two game playoff.  The first game was close. We won

Holy shit, my team is in the finals.

I have never been on a winning team before.

Until now.

I don't know what the time was in the first period but I scored the first goal in our final game.

It was a one timer.

All I can remember is seeing the puck on my stick then looking up and seeing it hit the back of the net.

My first goal after cancer.  Awesome.

The game lasted 45 minutes.  Just a blip in time when you consider how long I was in treatment for.

45 minutes, and we played hard.

And won.

The cool thing about this league, is the cameraderie.  My team was happy I scored.

But so was everyone else.

Not everyone in the league knew of my battle with cancer, how hard I fought.

How hard I continue to fight during survivorship for myself.

How hard I fight for others, some I have met, some I never will.

The best thing about this season?

It has brought me closer to feeling like me.

 And its about damn time...

 

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show. Listen Live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com Available on demand and also available on Itunes.

Light of Day

I post on several other cancer survivors facebook pages, some are finishing up treatment, some are just starting.  It always makes me reflect upon my own battle.  I know I have written about this before, but a few friends of mine are just finishing chemo and radiation.

One of my friends (chemobabe) likened treatment to a pit, a giant chasm, that is difficult to traverse, that when you are in it, it is hard to see the light of day.That is a great analogy. When you are going through chemo or surgery or radiation it is hard, and it is hard to even see the light of day.  It seems like it is a tiny spec of light in a giant dark pit.  When you are surrounded by the darkness it is hard to even imagine you will see that light, that you will ever be done, let alone get close to it, but day by day you get closer and closer, maybe an inch here or there every day. 

Many of my new friends on Facebook are just starting, and they are hoping to see the light of day.  I have to tell you this.  When you are in the chasm it seems like you will never get out.

I know that feeling.

That was 2 years ago.  Now I can barely remember what it was like.  Only when I read other survivors comments does it take me back to those moments.  I am glad it is a fading distant memory.

Leaving you with lyrics from Bruce Springsteen's "Light of Day"

Well I'm a little down under, but I'm feeling O.K.
I got a little lost along the way

Just around the corner to the light of day.

Mel is the producer/co~host of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday~Friday 10-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com available on demand now and also available on itunes. 

Celebration list or a list of moments

I was recently talking to a friend of mine, and fellow warrior about how I hate the term Bucket List.  First of all I watched the movie during my treatment, got it as a screener from a group I belong to.  Sometimes they don't tell you what the movies are about.  Again I think holy shit another freakin movie about cancer, can't get away from it.

 The Bucket list.  I know its supposed to make you think of all great things to do before you die or kick the bucket.  Now I get what they were going for, in the basic sense, Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, add a bit of cancer and hilarity ensues right?  Two guys from the opposite end of the spectrum coming together at the end of their life and creating a list of things they want to do before they die.

Why focus on the negative part?  Like I said before I was lamenting about this to a fellow warrior and she said don't call it a bucket list just a list of moments.

I like that

I will call it my celebration list.

I, like many survivors, have faced my own mortality, and at any age that is difficult and scary, so I don't want to focus on things to do before I die, I want to focus on things to do while I am still here, alive and kicking


My celebration list, which isn't really written down, it is, like my friend said, a list of moments.

I know no one here gets out alive, but we all want to be a little scrappy while we are here, so lets not focus on the die part, bucket, kick the bucket etc. (if director of The Bucket List Rob Reiner were here I would call him a meathead like his nemesis Archie Bunker did in the tv series All in the family)

Mel is the producer of The Vic McCarty Show.  Listen live Monday~Friday 10am-noon eastern standard time on wmktthetalkstation.com

Check out my podcast The Cancer Warrior on Empoweradio.com.  Available on demand now and also available on itunes.